Year 2019 - A Very Eventful Year, Good and Bad

2019 is a really eventful year to me. Lots of things happened especially in my career. There's good and bad things.

1. RDRT Finance to Lombok (1.5 months, Feb - Apr'19)

First time in my job to be deployed overseas. Lots of first time experiences. 

Went to Singapore on a one-day trip to process Indonesia visa. Went to the Botanical Garden. It was a very nice solo trip. Made up my mind, wherever country I go, I must visit their botanical garden.

Indonesia mission was an eye-opener to me. Made me realise that there are lots of processes in my company that I don't know. And I have the opportunity to work closer to other departments as we interact more frequently (we have weekly meeting with everyone involved), unlike in the regional office, only Head of Department attend meetings. And the topics discussed are closer to the community, unlike in regional office, topics are "higher-up", more on coordination, policies, aims, etc (which I always fell asleep even if I try to stop myself). This was certainly a steep learning curve for me, which helped a lot in laying foundation for my role in Finance Analyst and Senior Finance Officer later in 2019.

Met lots of people from different countries. We went to cinema, karaoke, one-day trip to Gili Islands (snorkelling, island hopping, and got sunburnt where my skin could be literally peeled off). Went hiking to a waterfall also with 2 other Finance colleagues. And we often have dinner and went shopping for groceries together. I missed the times 3 of us discussed any topics that crossed our minds. It was nice to be exchanging opinions in an open way. 

Staying in hotel was a nice experience. Free brakfast, room service, air-cond and comfy bed. The first thing I missed when I stepped into my home back in Malaysia was, the tidied hotel room in Lombok. Haha!

After that, due to visa issue, we had to go to Jakarta. Met colleagues in Jakarta office, and also the national society. Luckily we switched hotel as the first one is carpeted, which I don't really like. The 2nd one is close to office too, we can walk to office.

The traffic is really bad in Jakarta. I was so afraid that I might missed my flight, kept praying hard in the taxi. But later, received whatsapp from Anna that my flight was delayed. 

2. New phone - Huawei P30

Got a new phone for my birthday!! 

My previous phone - Xiaomi had some problems during the last few days in Jakarta. It could not be charged and could not be turned on. But when I reach Jakarta airport, it could be charged and turned on again. 

3. Lost World of Tambun

Four of us had a small family trip to the Lost World of Tambun in Ipoh in May'19. Only me and KW went in the Lost World as we had only 2 tickets. Ours were night tickets. We visited the small zoo, and took a story night walk. Then there's fire performance. There are different temperature of hot spas to soak in. Tried the water slide a few times. I think I'm really scared of slides,scared of being pulled down by gravity quickly... 

4. Hiking at Pine Tree Hill

26th May, joined Wei Gie and his friends for hiking. It was a very loooong hike, around 8 hours in and out. And driving up to Fraser's Hill is also a long-winded road. 

5. Futsal competition - MRCS, IFRC, ICRC

26th Jun 2019

6. Finance Analyst

Covered for Rani from mid July - mid Sept (2 months) as she wemt to Geneva to cover for another person. I was in charged of Pakistan, Indonesia, and PNG. It was a good experience, felt like I was working very closely with the country office's Finance, like we are sitting face-to-face, but actually we were talking through Skype messages and sometimes phone calls. 

Not much things happened when I was in charged, mainly doing SOSC for year 2020, changing of bank authorisers, cash requests, generating and validating financial reports, and document checks. Luckily no launching of DREF or Emergency Appeal, but I don't get to learn about them. 

Mehar started covering for me. It was chaotic at first as we just started Apple Purchase Invoice in mid-June, and she didn't know anything about our financial system - budget codes, budget holders. 

7. Senior Finance Officer
Khairi had a motorbike accident and broke his left hand's bone. I covered for him from mid-Sept to early Dec (2.5 months). This is the bad thing happened in 2019. :(

As I'm not really familiar with his work, had to OT many times. And had to chip in USD 50 also as petty cash did not tally. Mahbe I accidentally gave extra to someone.

8. Staff retreat @ The Orchard Wellness and Health Resort
First time took part in staff retreat because since I joined in 2017, this is the first staff retreat.

In the bus. 

Reached after about 2 hours. 

Lunch when we reached. 

The pool. Had lots of fun during Amazing Race here. And the second day was free time. I swam and played water basketball here with admin and HR. The went cycling with Fairuz. Didn't manage to go to spa as we had only half day for the secon day. 

The EEC team. We had a dance performance! :D

Everyone, before/after Amazing Race? I forgot. 

My team for Amazing Race. Missing Mohammed and Viviane. 

People who stayed overnight. Dinner party~~

December went to a really big and expensive trip to UK and Switzerland with KW. You will see it in another post, if I am hardworking enough to write a post, as it's going to be looonggg. ;)

Year 2020 have a not-so-good start. Grandma passed away, Wuhan coronavirus and Kobe Bryant passed away. Hopefully the rest of the year is going to be GOOD!!

Let's end this post with a happy and colourful picture and hope all is well for 2020!

Deepavali celebration. 

最大最大的缺点

我这人儿啊，最大最大的缺点就是不敢把心里最真实的情绪、意愿表达出来。总是不敢面对最真实的意愿。这让我错失了许多东西，例如表白的时机。
也是造成我需要很久才能与一个人建立交心的关系，因为我很少与别人分享心里的想法，所以别人也很难捉摸我真实的个性。但一旦建立了那种关系，我可以很放纵地、不加思索地做我自己。
以这个缺点，何时呢，我才能找到我的灵魂伴侣？[就算没有，我也很庆幸找到了几位这样的朋友。:) ]
何时呢，我才能克服或者稍微减弱这个缺点？

但这缺点的好处是，我没那么冲动，因为要做什么，要说什么，永远都会先在我脑里回旋千百遍。

有一个很冲动的事情，最让我印象深刻。至今我仍在想，如果我选择了另一条路，不知现在的我会是怎样。。或许两条路的交叉点会是一样的，不过那一段时间所看到的风景肯定不一样。也庆幸我选择了这条路，虽然坎坷，虽然回想起来觉得做出来的成绩蛮失败的，不过。。也是人生中做过又冲动又尴尬的一件事。那就是大学第四年的毕业晚会了。不知那时何来的勇气，竟然担当起整个晚会的筹办主席。。也许我身边有可靠的战友吧。。来临的聚会中，一定要提起这件事，探讨一下各自当时的心情和现在的感想。

或许如果我人生中，有多点执行我的冲动，现在就会不一样了。

 但没必要后悔，反正时间不等人，与其浪费时间去后悔当初，不如好好利用当下，感受当下。。

心里的一颗石头，未了的心愿

第一刹那，在巴士站，深深地陷入了你会说话的眼睛

那泛着光又诚恳的眼神

如同告诉了我你所有的故事
好像能从你褐色的眼睛里看见了你从小到现在的故事
好像我们认识了很久一样

第一次对任何人有这种感觉

可是，一如往常懦弱的我

好想坐在你旁边

却选了你前面的座位

就这样错过了谈天的机会

后来好一段日子都没有接触

好朋友都有跟你同组 assignment

我却因为自己的原则而与友族同胞们一起

也因为忙活动而不把这事儿当一回事

（也许是我把忙当懦弱的借口）

直接过了大学三年

时间跳到了第四年

终于机会又来了！

选了一科极少数人拿的科目

你却刚好也一起选了！

可是你怎么坐得那么高那么远呢？

我选了中间的位置，一个人坐

也许如果坐在你旁边，我不会常常在课堂上睡觉。。

虽然拿到了你的电话号码

但是也只能哪天课堂取消时传讯息给你

懦弱的我

毕业晚会前

大家开开心心地练习跳舞

我那该死的害羞和懦弱

没有与异性练习

结果你伸出了手，问我要不要一起练习

我那一刻真该不假思索地立刻马上牵起你的手

（现在心里满满的后悔，虽然真不想承认后悔了）

好喜欢你

但你对我的感觉又是如何呢？

普通系友吗？

对我的印象如何？

书呆子？假正义？

还是也和我一样，在那第一刹那时，也被我眼睛迷住了？

毕业典礼后

当大家忙着拍照

有一股冲动把你拉到一旁

告诉你我的喜欢

就算你也有同感也好，或只是点点头也罢

至少我没有遗憾

但是这些终归脑海里的排演。。

毕业后大家各奔他乡

开始了职业生涯

一开始有股冲动

向你写信倾诉一切

但也终归想象

终于有个借口

让我联络你询问一些东西

但你普通地回答

也没多聊

我该把这当成 “你只是把我当普通朋友” 的提示吗

现在我们毕业两年了

这件事还是在我心里

一个搬不走的石头

这是我自己想象的喜欢吗？
是我自己的幻觉吗 ？
我自认根本不了解你
但通过几次聊天，也欣赏你对事情有自己的看法
别人说你邋遢，但那时候的我肯定比你更邋遢
看似稳重也有安全感

或许若不行动，我将错过了我的 soulmate 呢？

就算一见钟情不一定能走远

但至少曾经开始过

我该。。踏出那一步吗？
做不成情人，我们可以当朋友或笔友吗？

我该把这文寄给你吗

还是就让它默默地在这部落格里越埋越深？

我该突破自己，果断地做心里想做的事吗

还是一如往常懦弱的等，等待所谓的缘分？

（但心里清楚这是逃避，这是懦弱）

我该活在现在

做一个随心所欲的人

还是

就让它埋在过去

变成老来后悔的事呢

但是又好害怕知道答案。。。 

还是该厚着脸皮闯一闯呢？

First 3 days...

I'm finally here, started working in an NGO. Well, the first 2 days, I really missed my ex-colleagues. Suddenly I was doubting myself, why had I left my old company, these are the hardships that I have cast upon myself. New environment, new system, new colleagues. The third day is better, because I know I will be seeing some of my ex-colleagues after work for karaoke session. Not sure about the coming days... Hope all is well...

Actually, it is just like working in a corporation. Maybe because I don't know the job scopes of other departments yet. But these 3 days made me come to reality that work is just work, we work to earn money to keep living. I finally understand why as we grow up, instead of colourful individuals, everyone starts to become the same colour. We started to see that dreams are nothing compare to making a living.

But is this what I want to become? Retaining my true self is hard, but I must try not to lose it. There are a few things that maybe I can suggest to them, such as recycling the stapler bullets, using recycled paper for labeling. Yes, I must do it! Hoping to be myself instead of conforming to the system. Some of my friends are doing things that they like, persevering in things that they believe in, I should look up to their bravery and confidence. I can do it too!!!

DeeJay 加油，加油，加油！！！

勿忘初心！！<3

Working for an NGO?

Just now before signing in, I was looking at my previous post. Coincidently, the last sentence is about working for an NGO!

Well, this post is the sequel!

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So, I have applied and interviewed for a job in NGO, but maybe at that time of application, I might not have made up my mind fully to accept the job if I get the offer. I was thinking, just try for it, and if I don't get it, I can stay at my current job. It's just as if to satisfy myself that I have tried to achieve what I want.

However, I got it! Now, here comes all the conflict.

Many people advise me not to take this road, that it has no future in terms of career progression and also money. There are also people saying that volunteering for the NGO and actually working for it is a different thing. I might see and know things that I don't like.

Well, it's hard to stay firm to my decision. I have to keep reminding myself of my initial intention of working for an NGO. Besides the sense of purpose, there is also transport factor, I would like to be independent and have authority in managing my own life, instead of needing to accommodate with the whole family regarding the schedules every day. And I also admire those who work passionately in their job, even though their job is not something big (example: the guy at Restoran Wah Chai - he runs around, serving all customers, and even remembers what is your preference of sauces).

My ambition may not be that big, so it's hard convincing other people about it. I understand that people will always aim for higher, and it's kind of our responsibility to make our parents proud. But... Sometimes, it is hard to convince my own heart.

But the future is unpredictable. I might not like the organisation at all. I might just jump out from it later. But I tell myself that at least I can get to see the operation of an NGO, and gain some communication skills while working in an international environment. Maybe, I will get to have other job scopes, and the annual increment is not so bad? However, all these reasons may not be solid enough to others.

Why must everyone have the thinking that you have to move to a higher position with better pay? It's hard to go against the norm of the society...

But since I have tendered my resignation letter, it is like a one-way ticket for me. I know I can still say no to the new company and stay in my current one, but I'm not the kind who break promises. Anyhow, since things have progressed until here, just go on with it. Who knows, it might bring something good to me. Believing in the law of attraction, I really landed a job with an NGO; Maybe with my goal of working happily and contributing in an NGO, it can really happen to me in the future.

Let's wait for the next sequel after I have started working in the NGO!

I'm the real me

Yeah, I'm slow to warm up to people.
Seeing others who can talk naturally with people, who always can bring up topic when with strangers, I envy them. Meanwhile, I am wary with strangers and usually don't reveal myself much. By strangers, it can also be someone I see every day but don't have much interaction.

Yeah, I may be an over-positive person.
I always look at the positive side of a person, believing that every person has a Buddha inside the heart. I try to put myself in their shoes, thinking from their point of view, considering their circumstances. (Sometimes I wonder, is this considered as helping them to find an excuse for some "unacceptable" behaviour? ("Unacceptable" is "" because everyone's interpretation of unacceptable is different. What I think is unacceptable may be acceptable to others) )

But then, people always ask:
Why are you so 慢热? (which means slow to warm up to people)
Why are you so positive and trusting?

DON'T YOU PEOPLE KNOW THAT THIS TWO IS A CONTRADICTING BEHAVIOUR??!!!!
HOW CAN I BE VERY AMIABLE AND SOCIABLE WHILE BEING CAUTIOUS ABOUT PEOPLE AND ALWAYS THINKING ABOUT THE NEGATIVE SIDE OF PEOPLE??!!!
ISN'T THIS CALLED A PRETENTIOUS PEOPLE??

Well, I know I also a contradictory person, being positive and trusting, yet slow to warm up to people. But then, this is because I know that we can't be friends with everyone. Humans are meant to be made up of many, many, many circles of people who can connect with each other. Why should I force myself to be so many versions of me just to fit in every circle??!!!

For me, I'm more comfortable of being a positive and trusting yet 慢热 person.
Instead of being a pretentious person, acting friendly to everyone but in the mind, keep thinking bad about everyone. Life is already so hard, why make it harder for yourself by having all those negative thoughts in your mind????

By the way, where can I find a job where everyone is just concentrating about how to make the organisation better or how to improve work flow? I'm fed up of working where people are calculative of any extra work load. (YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE UP EXTRA WORK LOAD, BUT THEN WHEN SOMEONE IS WILLING TO DO IT AND THE BOSS IS WILLING TO GIVE MORE RESPONSIBILITY TO THIS PERSON, YOU FEEL JEALOUS AND SAY THAT THE BOSS IS PRACTISING FAVOURITISM!!!)
I'm thinking, is working in an NGO will have lesser chance of meeting such people?

DeeJay thinks it's really time to change job...

《微微一笑很倾城》·观后感

感触最深的，是当微微和二喜发生矛盾，微微 “离家出走” 的那一刻。。

其实真的觉得，每个人都有各自的特长和缺点。一班固定的朋友圈当中，可能确实会有几个比较出众，但如果是真心把对方当成朋友的，就肯定不会去介意、去比较的。那点小事，根本都不会放在眼里，连在脑海里闪过的机会都没有。为什么呢？因为真是好朋友的话，会了解对方哪里不好，可以很轻松自在地互相调侃，就算是优点也好，也会特地酸一下他们。

还好微微和二喜和好了。经得起风波的友情，必定会更加坚固。看她们恢复以前互相调侃的关系，感觉真的非常好啊！好朋友，是什么？就是拿来互相调侃的嘛，生活乐趣啊~

想对那些感觉朋友比自己优秀的人说：
其实优秀的他，是非常珍惜及欣慰有你这样的朋友的。能够自由自在地相处，畅所欲言。你也有他没有的优点，互相弥补、互相学习，把对方当成进步的榜样，然后大家一起进步，不是很好吗？

 想对那些被认为是比较优秀的人说：
不要觉得自己很孤单，一定会有那么几个真心待你的朋友。只要谦虚，自己真心待人，过得了自己的良心，日久见人心，一定会找到那一班朋友的。

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至于肖奈和微微的感情戏呢。。哎，偶像剧，真的是害了许多人对爱情的憧憬啊。。现实生活哪有那么美好，大家多多少少都会有一些需要磨合的地方的。要拿一盆冷水淋自己一下，提醒自己：“清醒吧，别中了偶像剧的毒啊！！” （不果还真是挺浪漫的，不禁会幻想一下自己会是通过怎样的方式认识我的那另一半呢？XD）

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孟逸然、娜娜、爱香奈儿, 小雨妖妖等等那一半女生呢。。看多了，真是怕会被她们影响呢。。还是远离为妙啊。。 真是怕自己会被他们影响，以后在生活里变成 “以小人之心度君子之腹” 的人。要训练自己成为不八卦，守口如瓶的人，真的需要很强的自制能力。

好久没有用华语写作了。看了 《微微一笑》，提醒了我，华语是可以如此地厉害，可以 “温柔” 地 “杀” 了人，也可以委婉地替人解围。（就像肖奈在舞会时跟风腾的董事长说的那段话，仔细一听，才听出里面的含义。）

华文真是深奥啊，一辈子都学不完的。要练一练了，以免生疏。

懒惰

懒惰，懒人。
我是个懒人。

懒惰，不一定指在动作上懒惰；思想上也绝对可以懒惰。
终于发现原来，我不是因为麻木了，或对人与人之间的复杂小情绪比较迟钝；而是因为懒惰。
懒惰去想、懒惰去在意、懒惰去复杂化、懒惰去计较。
只要想着：人非圣贤，人人都有好与坏的一面，他就是他，只要去接受就好了，反正也轮不到我来改。
可能就是这样，会让蛮多人说我容易迁就人。。
总之就是一个字：懒！
没别的了，就这样。

我也不是什么神仙，也知道我其实没大家说的那么好。
怎么了？难道就不可以有人懒惰去猜疑别人吗？
我就是这样啊。何必浪费我的脑细胞去想这些没有意义的事呢？倒不如把时间花在做我喜欢做的东西~

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最近发生了一件事。。
部门会议时，两位senior 当着我面前直接向manager 表示她们的不满，说 manager 比较偏心我，对我比较好，肯教我很多东西，而其他人只是做死工。
虽然场面有点尴尬，但当着大家面前说出来也好，至少不是在背后。至少这是我认为的。有一位朋友则觉得她们这样做不应该。
其实我也觉得 manager 也有点偏心。她只对她喜欢的人好。虽然 senior 们也不喜欢她，但至少工作上要公私分明嘛。而且我还蛮敬佩我们的两个 senior 的。她们敢说敢言，哪像我，只会埋头苦干。
一方面又还蛮高兴，因为有机会学习不一样的东西。但至少 manager 应该做到每个人都教，每个人都分享知识，而不是知识对我而已。。。

唉。。。。。。算了吧，懒得理了。。。。。继续埋头苦干去。。。。

回到中学·回到初衷

Went back to CHS with Khai to watch CHS 60th anniversary concert ——《情牵60大汇演》。(P.S. Just learned the meaning of 汇演：各地或各单位的文艺节目集中起来，单独或同台演出。具有汇报、互相学习、交流经验的作用。)

We were really flooded with lots of emotion... Especially that, what are we doing all these years after graduated? Watching them, full of passion, talent, creativity, and determination; standing on the stage, what have we done after started working? Work life is so boring, not even challenging our brain and creativity... And work life kinda sucks, since the day I was told about the office politics...

Actually everyone is just being themselves, we all have our longs and shorts, no need to mind too much. This is what I've believed all this while and keep reminding myself to keep believing. No one is really that bad to purposely harm another. But is that really it in this wide world? I have started to doubt myself...

Going back to high school, really felt like going back to my roots and able to stand firmly on the ground again. Watching the students actively selling their things for their clubs, I can really feel their passion and youth. Being young is so good! Like Khai said, did we give out the aura of hope too when we were in their age? XD

I was captivated by their performances on the stage——drums, Kelab Kebudayaan dances, alumni's medley of songs mixed with our school song, brass band's "When The Saints Go Marching In", 华乐, Harmonica & Guitar, Symphony group's "Viva la Vida" and "Smooth Criminal" (with the experience of us being in the center when they surrounded us and performed right in front of us), choir, and the last combination of all! Their standard is certainly not lower than 文娱! Everyone is so talented.

Will be going back for CHS Guides and Scouts' campfire on 16th July and CHS 60th anniversary carnival on 31st July.

Happy birthday, CHS! Thanks for the good memories, and good training ground for us to challenge our mind.

DeeJay thinks that she is able to lead life positively again 

for a long while after recharging herself~ :)

The Eternal Child in Our Heart

It has been 9 years... 9 years has passed. At first when I looked at this sitting arrangement, I almost cannot find myself in it, the memory is so vague. Then when I looked at my friends' comments, I felt that, "Ah, it has been really long. Some of them are even kept inside my memory's drawer, all dusty already."

But looking at them commenting about each other, well, looks like there are still bits and pieces of memories kept by everyone. The child who was sitting in that place in that year is still there in our heart. No matter how many years have passed and how many things that we have experienced that changed us throughout the years, but we still have a common intersection in our lives.

DeeJay feels that it is really great to be in contact with the friends after so many years.

Added on 23rd Feb 2015 (Mon), 11.33 pm: 

After watching 《爸爸去哪儿2》，I can feel that my inner child is rekindled! :DD Feel more energised when doing things, and more energised in every footstep. 

After knowing that there are spiteful people posting negative comments of the children, I feel that the people are the ones with low EQ （情商）and IQ （智商）. Come on, they are kids, what do you expect? When you were small, maybe you weren't even as capable as they are!

All the children are beautiful -- Feynman with his glowing eyes when he chose Gary instead of his father; Yang Yang Yang with his gentleman-helpful and sensitive heart; Bei Er with her bright attitude; Duo Duo who is adorable and so cute; Joe and Grace who are a pair of loving brother and sister. They are the ones whom we have something to learn from.