Angel number & Intropection

(This post was drafted around June after coming back from 3-months GVA mission, left to gather dust for half a year, then finally completed and posted on first day of new year 2026.)

Lately, many things have been going on in my mind and I feel like I don't know myself anymore. Everything seems muddled in my mind and life. I once thought that I know myself, but now my mind is mixed with self-doubt and external influence, and I can't find a strong ground where I'm standing. Everyday and in everything I do, I seem to ask myself again, is this what I truly like and want to do, am I being myself? But is there an absolute, certain "me"? Or we're just going by the flow, being shaped by our environment and circumstances? Is it fair for me to ponder on this muddle in my head as a major/serious issue in my current state of living, or is it just a miniscule issue compare to many sufferings in the world? Am I just having a "luxurious" worry when I should be appreciative of what I have instead? Or can I also think of myself more while also maintaining the heart to think of others, or is this too greedy and I can never balance? Is focusing on one side going to tip off the balance of another? Is it even important to me to think about others, or is it just myself being a people-pleaser, needing external validation and afraid of facing conflict?

I sometimes see the same digits when checking the time of the day (e.g. 11:11, 4:44). Although it may not be a sign given by angel, but it does give me a moment of bliss for feeling lucky at that moment. As I'm born on 11th of the month and I'm 33 years old this year, maybe this is a sign that I should do some self-introspection. Not sure whether this is also affected by numerology that number 33 represents spiritual/personal growth (among a lot of other things). Plus, this year is my 10th year of being in the working world (started working after graduation in year 2015), so probably it's a good timing to take a break for introspection before continuing on life's journey.

Myself

Am I just trying to be a goody two shoes and people-pleaser because I need external validation or afraid of conflict? Or is it that I truly want and feel happy to help others? (Or have I read too much articles from many people with different point of views, that they've caused me to question my beliefs? It can be good or bad though...)

There was a time when I was still sure of myself, that I want to be a humble person and someone who can bring some positive impact to others' lives, no matter how small it is, as long as it can make the person's life a fraction or tiny bit better or happier.

Now I'm not so sure of it myself. Is it a desire coming genuinely from the bottom of my heart?
Or am I trying to be noble and it's arrogant of me to think like this? Am I thinking that I'm above others? Are these questions something that someone else will critique about another person, and I shouldn't 'gaslight' myself? As long as I believe that I'm doing something good with sincerity, then it's good to not overthink? Maybe overthinking about it is also a trait of being too mindful of what others think and hampers me from being myself?

It's so hard in today's world, where the smallest action is being analysed and labelled. Self-centered, people-pleaser, narcissist, over-achiever - all kinds of labels. Just a slight incline of the bar, you'll be labelled as something, despite that a person has many facets. Sometimes we say things that we don't mean, or say something that is opposite of what we mean and instantly regretted it, or miss the timing to say something. I think the world is becoming too sensitive and quick to judge. 

I need to recalibrate myself, try to be my true self with genuine intention for all my actions, and then don't gaslight myself! Maybe others are not saying/thinking anything, it's all in my head!
Don't take myself too seriously. No one is paying attention on me except myself. Everyone else is too busy with their own life.
Be calm, take time to process any information before responding, otherwise I'll easily say yes or easily be tricked.
Learn to impart some humour in my life. Maybe I should watch more movies or comedies instead of only reading serious stuff.

Friends

There are friends who will listen to your worries and views silently and only giving feedbacks when asked. There are friends who will give constructive feedbacks while also trying to consider from my point of view. 

There are friends who are of the more conventional type. Anything unconventional or diverting from their world view will immediately launch their defensive argument, with them trying to convince me to lead the conventional life.

To me (not sure for other people), I feel closer and more appreciative to those described in the first paragraph than the second.

It's sad when what I shared (my point of view and life stories) are being discussed behind my back. They thought that I was asleep. I didn't plan to eavesdrop, only accidentally heard them while arousing from my sleep. (I was sleeping in an awkward position with my mouth opened, thus they thought that I was still sleeping.) I listened for a while with my eyes closed. When I opened my eyes and acted like I just woke up, they immediately stopped discussing about me. Though I think that they don't have bad intention, but I still feel a little sad. Why can't they discuss it together with me? Maybe also due to the fact that I shared to them just for them to know me better but didn't expect them to "critique", thus I become defensive, and they thought it's better to discuss behind my back?

Well, I can't admit that I'm a good friend to others. There might be many situation when I have been a bad friend to someone or handled a situation badly. Guess there's no absolute black and white in this world, only grey. We learn to forgive, forget and move on. No one is perfect. If the relationship is still worth maintaining (from my own desire, not because of any monetary/power gain), then I guess I have to focus more on the positive traits of a person.

Anyway, why do human needs connection with others? It's just inviting headache and heartache for ourselves. But even so, if there are few rare cases when the friendship turns into wonderful connection, they're the ones that let us feel alive and have something to look forward to. 

Work & career

Working in an NGO, sometimes I feel that the higher someone moves up the ladder, the more the person starts to think about personal gain instead of focusing on the organisation's mission. I once thought this is my observation of other people in the organisation. 

But now, I realise that I might think like this because I notice this in myself and I'm afraid of becoming such person. I have no right to judge this on another person as I'm not a worm in their stomach, who knows, maybe they actually are still upholding the organisation's mission, just that they have to support the organisation from another viewpoint. Therefore, it makes sense that I'm the one that I'm reflecting on.

When I was new to the organisation, I was happy to have the opportunity to join, even with reduced salary. I believe also that volunteers have the same mindset. They're willing to contribute (sometimes even sacrifice) without any monetary reward. Now that I've slowly climbed up the ladder, there are more comparison with other people to have the deserved salary. Sometimes I'm thinking, should I be less demanding? Is my request excessive, considering Malaysia's market and also the NGO nature of the organisation? 

Comparing with others will only bring negative emotion... If someone has higher salary than me but quality is worse, then I'll feel unfair; if someone has lower salary than me but quality is good, then I'll feel that I'm not deserving. The best is to focus internally, as long as I do my best and the work quality is deserving of the salary (hopefully), then it should be fine. If not me, someone still needs to be hired for this position, though not sure if the person will be better or worse than me. I can only convince myself like this and do my best. Plus also to keep reminding myself that I'm replaceable anytime and not to take myself too seriously.

Family

Filial piety is a virtue that we must have - or so imparted in our minds since small by our parents and schools. This is especially emphasised in Chinese culture, with filial piety being highlighted in many ancient China's storiesband philosophies. It's common for children to live together with their parents even after becoming adults, some even when they're married.

Comparing with western culture, they emphasise more on the independence of their children. Children usually move out from their parents' house when they come of age.

With globalisation, different cultures mix and sometimes we begin to doubt our own culture, or confuse ourselves regarding the core principle of our culture. For example, in the past, Asian Chinese usually stay together with several generations. But now, there is social stigma about adults still living with their parents, saying that they're not independant and to avoid dating/marrying such people.

I also question myself, why is it that we must demonstrate filial piety just because we've been taught so? Or is it that we're practising it to avoid social stigma? I don't feel persuaded by these two reasons, and can't find a satisfied answer for why I must practise filial piety. 

Therefore I've "abandoned" this draft post, until when I finally have actual rest from work for 2 weeks (going back to Alor Setar), my mind suddenly found the answer! (Probably the best decision I've made this year, to not bring my laptop back to Alor Setar 😂)

The 3rd reason that I figured out is, I'm practising filial piety because this is the kind of person that I want to become! If I choose to become a kind person, firstly I must be kind to my own family, otherwise if I'm kind to others but not kind to family members, it's only superficial. People used to say, to see if someone is really kind, we have to see how he/she treats strangers like waiter or cleaner. But I'm thinking, probably the best way is to see how they treat their family. As we often show our ugliest side to our family (because we felt safest to show our true self to our family), this is the most accurate way.

In western culture, I hardly see them mentioning about filial piety. Instead, they are referring it as love for family. Love is perhaps the most important lesson that we're continuously learning throughout our lives. We always have conflicts with our family, due to proximity, and because every person is a unique entity, there sure are some edges which cannot be piece together perfectly like a puzzle. Family is our training ground to practise love for others other than ourselves, because we are forgiven (most of the time) when we make mistakes. Plus, we should be the one who also forgives, if we have the awareness to reciprocate the love we receive. So in western culture, love is similar to filial piety. Though, I feel that love is more autonomous than filial piety. Filial piety feels like having to abide to certain rules because of seniority.

.........................................................

I may not have the answers for all the questions, and might find my own answers along the way in my life. Maybe we're all not going to have definite answers to our lives, as we'll never know what's coming. Maybe everyone is just playing it by ear, although we think that we have some controls in our lives.

Nevertheless, I've decided to set some goals for this new year. I've never really set any New Year resolution for myself, maybe that's why I'm not disciplined enough to follow through with certain changes that I would like. Hopefully this year, I will be able to achieve some (if not all) of my New Year resolutions. After writing them down (which the list might still be expanding throughout the year), I've already started to work on some them, which is a good sign. Perhaps writing them down and scheduling time for them is better than just keeping them in my head, because I tend to forget about the other goals and just focussing on the task on hand. 

🎆🎉 HAPPY NEW YEAR 2026! 🎊🎇🍾

Poem to commemorate Geneva 3-months mission (Mar-May 2025)

 In my past travels to new countries, I usually send postcards to myself as souvenir - Thailand, Taiwan, New Zealand, Budapest, Switzerland (1st trip with brother and 2nd trip for one-week mission in June 2023). I think one or two of them got stuck somewhere and never got to me. 😄 I didn't manage to send a postcard from Afghanistan although I have gone for 3 times. 

For my 3rd time to GVA (7-months mission from Sept 2023 to March 2024), I wrote journals in a small Budapest-landmarks noteboook gifted by a colleague in Budapest (I think from Iris), mainly about the fun weekend adventures that I had. 

For this 4th time in GVA, I was thinking that creating a video or blog post will be boring, then suddenly an idea of a poem came to me. Though, it came out more as a collection of memories than a poem. 

Each paragraph is from a random day throughout the 3 months in Geneva, with inspiration coming naturally while in GVA, and final edit back in KL. 

-----------(poem)--------------------------------------

Content(e),

A word in French that represents happy, satisfied, glad, pleased, thankful, or just - content.

Content(e),

Is when a dog skippily follows its owner on a leash,

With a thick, decayed branch between its fangs,

Its new, prized toy.

Content(e),

Is when the hedge shoots above the imaginary line trimmed by the gardener,

As if saying, "Serves you right! You can't stop me, I'm gonna do what I want!"

Content(e), 

Is seeing young leaves and flower buds opening up to welcome spring,

And wild flowers shooting above the grass.

Content(e), 

Is feeling the cold wind blowing, 

Under the protection of a warm jacket of course. 

Content(e), 

Is seeing many people walking with their doggo friends in the morning of a Sunday.

Content(e), 

Is bidding 'Hello' to the well-fed birds being close to me with heads held high,

And praising "You're beautiful" to the flowers. 

Content(e), 

Is walking in the rain,

Under an umbrella, 

The trees and grasses seem greener than usual. 

Content(e), 

Is walking in Geneva's continuous and endless (to me, because I haven't finished exploring) green corridors. 

If I am to challenge Guinness World Record to travel to all countries in the world, 

I may as well finish with the longest time,

As I walk slow and like to soak in the atmosphere around me. 

Content(e), 

Is walking along the 'tree tunnel' that Tram no. 14 passes through at Meyrin-Vaudagne,

A nostalgic neighbourhood where I had stayed for 5 months plus. 

I wonder if the leaves will grow lushier in summer to form a complete 'tree tunnel'?

But I will not be there to see it. 

Content(e),

Can only be seen and felt if I bring my gaze up from the phone, 

And all senses are present.

Seeing all the vibrant colours, from blues to greens to browns, 

Listening to the concert held by the birds and insects, 

Breathing in the fresh air,

Feeling the earth crunching under my feet,

Feeling the different textures of leaves and flowers,

Mind not wandering elsewhere. 

Content(e),

I wonder...

Is it okay for us to remember the small happiness and hide the clumsy sutures in the heart? (Because we're no professional surgeon) 

Hoping that they will be forgotten by time.

Hoping that they will stay intact and never reopen. 

But they still become fresh wounds during the silent nights.

Well wishes from strangers to strangers in YouTube comments reach out to the heart. 

Warm hug from a cherished friend is always appreciated. 

Pollen 'migrating' following the wind along the river at Vessy, 

Like snow in spring, 

I get to see the last snow in Geneva after all (for this trip). 

Perhaps the wind will bring seeds of sorrows and miseries far away, 

When the time is right. 

-----------(end of poem)----------------------

Things that I want to remember from these 3 months, that don't fit in the poem. Maybe doing a video is good after all, to preserve the nice photos and videos. 😊

• Taking the Lavaux Vineyard trail. After taking the wrong route for a while, first time realising the meaning of the yellow "tourisme pedestre" sign at the exit of the train station, and had to retrace my steps and start all over again. Walked from Saint-Saphorin till Lausanne. This should be the longest distance in a day that I've walked during these 3 months, including the wrong route taken and me being over-ambitious of trying to walk further to Morges, but luckily decided to listen to my body and recognise my sore legs, then turned back to Lausanne. Especially love the part from Lutry to Lausanne, dragging my sore legs and taking small steps, along the small elevated pathway right by the lakeside, watching people going about with their lives on a weekend.
• Watching "A Sun" with David, with tears in his living room. The trees by Versoix and Geneva's lakeside might remember my tears also. 😂
• Watching "Abang Adik" in Cameron Highland's hotel's Netflix after coming back from mission, also in tears. Suddenly a scene of a young man bearing jail sentence on behalf of his mother for accidentally hitting and killing a girl by car appeared in my mind. I tried recalling what movie it is, but then remembered that it's from a book that I borrowed from Geneva ("Falling for you: it's a disastrous thing to do... " by Jill Mansell). It's amazing how vividly I can imagine the scenes from a book till my mind thought that it's from a movie, or how easily the mind/memory can be deceived...
• The days of working through the Financial Statements, with the mind too busy with novel things each day that days flew past so fast. Fortunately there were still weekly dinners to look forward to, which helped to mark each passing week.
• Hiking with Gabrielle on the Toblerone trail. Completed 16/18 km in just 6 hours, the fastest I've walked ever before. Chatting with her about what animal/plant that we would like to become if we can choose; learned some new knowledge about how the beef industry in Switzerland works. 
• Hiking from Saint-Cergue to La Dole to La Givrine. The sound of wind echoing in the valley and rustling of tree leaves; brushing shoulders with various people and dogs along the way (some came to me to request for a pat, some barked at me); saw a chamois with big antlers but it disappeared within just a few seconds when I was tying my shoelaces; eating lunch at the white dome at the peak and met a French guy with Chinese woman as his wife (literally as described by him 😄) with a baby; small hail at the peak; hiking down with the French & Chinese family and our short conversation; eating dinner and ice-cream at a restaurant beside La Givrine's train station while waiting for my scheduled train; watching a costume party in the restaurant; a boy with Spiderman costume said hello to me; a train station which you have to press the "stop at request" button for the right direction and not more than 15 minutes before the train arrives. 
• Hiking along river at Versoix. People with fishing rods; long row of plane trees at the right; shallow stream for fish farming at the left but couldn't see any fishes; my palpitation for almost a week stopped after this hike. 

I miss the nature in Switzerland. 🩷

Year 2024 reflections & Year 2025 resolution?

 My end of the year was spent looking out at fireworks from Level 8 of my brother's condominium. The facilities level has two big and long swimming pools, therefore it has a wide panoramic view facing the KL city centre. Fortunately there are TNB station and highways adjacent to the condo, therefore there is no other tall buildings blocking the view. Me and my parents crossed over to new year with a big crowd of residences, shouting "Happy New Year!" with them. We bought KFC but didn't have the appetite to eat while waiting for 12am, due to many people around.

There were some fireworks to the left side, which started 5 minutes before 12am, presumably by some condos' management. At 12am, fireworks were set off at TRX and Sunway Velocity, which are exactly at the middle of our panoramic view, though some parts of the fireworks were blocked by buildings. Further right, near the condos area, there were also fireworks. But the most impressive one is the one just in front of us, fired from the empty parking lot with food court just behind my brother's condo. The first round was not really impressive, so we didn't expect much. But the second and third round have vibrant colours and unique patterns, which awed everyone. The distance was just perfect to enjoy the fireworks. I wonder who sponsored this one - the condo management, the food court, or just an individual finding the perfect spot to lit fireworks?

While waiting for 12am, I was scrolling on my phone and saw many friends posting about their 2024 reflections, almost all are about being thankful for the new meaning of life with their spouse and child(ren). I'm happy for them, and lately I realise that I like looking at children's antics while they walked past, and I even smile unintentionally. 

Tried to have some meaningful conversation with my mom, and she also prompted me few times to talk instead of both of us just staring at our phones. But besides some shallow conversation, I don't have any topic that I would like to talk about. In the past, we would just talk about everyday things easily, and the words just flowed smoothly, directly from my mind. I could talk about what I think about anything (life, work, crazy ideas, teasing). But after that incident (not the one in previous post), I'm sure she can feel it too, there seems to be a thin barrier now between us, and I filter some things before sharing with her. I wonder, is it because of:
(a) I know now that I can't be my truest self anymore in front of her without being judged.
(b) I realise that I'm too much of an adult now that there are some things better off not to be shared with her and better to keep by myself. (which I think is a good thing, as we shouldn't feel that we need to share everything of ourselves)
(c) I'm just a bit overwhelmed with work and tired to care about anything else.

My reflections for year 2024? I think this year is about my own realisation about social connections. After just finished reading "Still Alice", my take from the book is that, no matter how outstanding we are at our work/profession, we shouldn't miss out to spend valuable time with family and friends, because companies will forget us once we're no longer useful to them, but family and friends are the ones who will still stick with us through thick and thin. (Although unfortunately, there are exceptions if someone just happened to be born into the wrong family or have the wrong friends.) Also another realisation, based on personal experience, I believe that some things are better just kept as secrets to myself. It's nice as a treat, secrets exclusive to myself, and also save some troubles of creating bad feelings between me and others.

Year 2025 resolution? Fortified by many small things that I've observed and being inspired by, I would like myself to be remembered as someone who has touched certain people's life in just a small, good way. I may not be a great inventor or Nobel prize winner who change the history of mankind, but just having a positive, small influence in someone's life would be enough to make me happy. My past motto in life is to be humble, and I even set this as my password to many things, to remind myself every day. Now, the motto will be, "to be humble and treat everyone with the sincerest heart". In work, I'm working not to fulfill the expectation of meeting management's goal, but to pour my passion and ability to serve the people whom I can contribute to, i.e. the beneficiaries (which I'm helping very, very indirectly), my colleagues (sharing my knowledge of ERP to help them with their work which contributes to providing aid to beneficiaries). My brother doesn't agree with me about working too much overtime for the company, but I guess he's looking more from corporate perspective, but I'm just looking from altruistic view. 

But I have to be careful also, not to become a people pleaser!!! I must enjoy my own life too, and may I don't lose my own principles and values! May I have a conscious mind to think sensitively and not go into automatic mode of saying "Yes" to all requests. (I once helped my friend to cheat during exam, and till now, I'm still wondering, why I can't say "No" when I know that it's wrong.)
And of course, not all people should be treated with the sincerest heart. I trust my gut feeling to differentiate people whom I will like and love, from those whom should just remain as acquaintances.

Welcome, year 2025!

Destined to be Happy Loner?

 A friend once wished for me to be alone (not lonely) forever, without being married and having children. I know this is not an ill-wish, and I don't feel offended at all. I just have been curious, what does he see in me that made him wish that? Is it because of his own life experience and he sees something in me that's similar to him, and he knows I would be more suitable to live life alone? 

But I have always know this. I know I enjoy being alone and I can find my own happiness from doing things that I like and just following my instinct. But sometimes, it's common for human to yearn for things that they don't have, so I also wonder, will I be happy also with a married life (provided it's a happy one)?

Today I went for Japanese N2 test. At first I was very adamant on going there by myself. It will feel like a small ceremony for me, to take on the MRT, doing some revision in the MRT, and walking to the Confucius school where the exam will take place. By then, I would have prepared myself to face it, no matter whether I pass or fail. (I'm prepared to fail, since I even have problem doing the mock questions. If I pass, it will be a very lucky, near-to-passing-marks kind of pass.)

But as always, my ever so 'protective' parents want to follow and send me to the examination hall. Some might say I'm not an appreciative child. But I have been constantly battling within myself, between the yearn of being treated as an independent adult, being allowed to go out by myself and given the trust that I have the capacity to overcome whatever danger I might face; versus the feeling of guilt of not giving the chance for my parents to participate in my life, and sometimes gaslighting myself, telling myself that I will miss this moment in future. 

I don't like this feeling at all. Why must I cause guilt to myself and accept something that I know I will often look back and regret, and as I'm not too good at hiding my feelings in front of close people, my negative emotions will spill and might hurt people near me. Example today, if everything goes right, I would be going to the exam by MRT, took the exam, then happily go window-shopping with my family to celebrate whatever results it might be. But instead, I felt bad in the morning for being transported around like a child, then felt a little bad for not doing so well in the exam (it's my bad for doing last-minute preparation as usual, but it isn't so bad because I can always retake the exam), then had no mood to go shopping and lunch. 

How nice if I am given that nice trust by my family to do whatever I want. How I envy my friends who can go out of house whenever & wherever they want. Even me going to Seremban to visit my friends were also being stopped by my parents for few times, and sometimes due to guilt (of not spending time with them), I give in; but other times I fight through my own self-inflicted guilt to do what I really want.

Why can't my parents just refrain their 'clinginess' and just understand that their child is adult enough (in fact, 30 plus!!!) to lead their own life? With me being happy doing my 'loner' stuffs, then only I can happily spend some quality time with them, without spilling out my negative emotions. Perhaps my 'loner' time is the time for me to relax and dissipate any negative emotion, to ensure that the cup is left with more positivity when others look into it.

Today is the first time that I actually search for the meaning of 'loner'. Google says that it means a person that prefers not to associate with others; someone who prefers being alone to spending time with other people. I feel that these definitions totally match my state of mind. Even in the turtle conservation program, I don't mind just sitting and observing people, without being involved in their conversation. Perhaps being in a jungle treehouse, monitoring tigers would be a suitable occupation for me.

I even discover that there's a song called "Happy Loner" sang by Marina. There's also a Korean two-episode drama called "The Happy Loner", about an individualist, who avoids relationships with others, meeting another person who can't live without having relationships. I shall watch it someday. It must be a great contrast, and although a love story is nice, in reality, I think relationship with opposite personalities might not last long.

To end with a happy note, I managed to tell how I feel to my mum (through Whatsapp message 😅), about me needing my personal time alone to recharge and then only I have the energy to engage socially. Glad that I have the courage to express myself, sometimes it's hard to tell our real feelings to our closest people.

Ok, off to do some exercise, as I think this lack of exercising recently also affects my mood and mind.

2 weeks of holidays ended now. It's time to buckle up and be committed, proactive and positive in facing work challenges!! 💪(Hope this pep talk works in tricking my mind to propel forward until finishing year-end closing, and hope I'll have some changes in my life next year!)

(Written on 2-Dec-2024, but I had published and retracted the post back and forth, because I'm not sure if anyone would be interested to read this, and also I was not ready to share intimate and vulnerable side of me. Reading again on 1-Jan-2025, I felt, "Who cares?! I do what I want and it's just a record of my life." Besides, not many people know this blog of mine. So now it's published publicly!)

Social connections

I'm here again! Guess I'm going to revive this blog after 4 years of not posting! 😄

Today is the first day of my second long annual leave in 2024 (this time is 2 weeks, 3 days more than the first one). As with the first one (trip to Redang), I'm determined not to answer anything, although I might still read my emails. I'll be a bystander, secretly observing how my colleagues are going to handle ERP issues without me. 😈 It's about time that they learn to find out the answers themselves, instead of just forwarding the issues to me... After this holiday, not sure when will be the next one, as we'll soon enter into indefinite 'war' with year-end closing, so I have to let myself rest before the war (but it's always hard to warm up my engine after that 😆).

There're many things lining up to do: learning Japanese for my exam (临时抱佛脚), planning for few days of excursion with my parents, applying for new job position (same dept but addition of more tasks in my Job Description), watching some movies, doing some crafts, house-cleaning...

But first thing first, the holiday must start with something enjoyable! Went swimming in the pool at my brother's condo. It's been very long since I swam, the last must be in Geneva in June 2023. Redang doesn't count, as I was snorkeling and had the gear to aid breathing. I've lost touch on how to control my breathe rhythm, and have to re-learn it. After few trials, I managed to develop a more comfortable rhythm (but still not relaxed enough), although I'm not sure is this the same one that I used when swimming in the Olympic-sized swimming pool during my university days. I need to start swimming frequently. After my swimming buddy went back to Penang, I've not swam much anymore. 

I like swimming although I'm not very good at it (easily panic and cannot complete the distance that I desire). It's sort of like a type of meditation - have to be relaxed, counting the rhythm steadily, not thinking too much of reaching the goal (the other side of the pool), not letting the mind wander too far or it'll mess up the rhythm. Inside the water, everything is so peaceful and quiet. You can see the rays of sunlight, bubbles floating up, and the mosaic pattern at bottom of the pool. I remember an instance when I was swimming in my university's pool, the sky was approaching dusk and I have gotten acclimated to being in the water like a fish (I believe after warming up for few hours), I could easily dive to the bottom of the pool and pick up the dry leaves under it. It was a fun task that I gave to myself. In the pool today, I see small rainbows reflecting on the black mosaic bottom of the pool with rippling effect, it looks a lot like the shiny inner-side of an oyster shell. If only my normal vision is as good as the vision through refraction. 😅

In Lac Léman, I chose a place further from people to swim, and got few small cuts on my feet as the rocks are sharp. Not far, there's an area which is surrounded by wooden planks to form a circular enclosed area, so that people can swim in the pool safely, without going too far into the lake or being pushed by the waves towards the rocky shore. I imagine that there are wooden planks as platform at the bottom too, so that people won't get cut by the rocks, but still I didn't want to be within the crowd.

Watching "The Remarkable Life of Ibelin", I realised that besides work, I need to go out and interact with people more. Building meaningful social connection can make life more enjoyable and meaningful. But also I can't open up easily to people. Like when I was in Redang, I didn't dare to openly read my Japanese book, fearing of attracting attention and people asking me to speak some Japanese. 😅 I know I don't need to mind so much, as we were just together for a week, and will probably won't meet anymore, but it's hard for me to expose myself to someone. 

I think I just discover the root of this problem, while writing this post. Sometimes I prefer not to tell too much, because of fear of being probed, and I can't make myself lie if there's something that I don't feel like sharing. Too honest to lie for my own good. 😅 But again, why are there things that I don't feel like sharing? I guess we do not  allow just anyone to enter our more intimate circle, unless we like that person and we trust that that person will not cause harm to us (like judging or gossiping to others). 
I feel it's kind of same like Ibelin, it's hard for him to expose his vulnerability to his online friends. (This is his blog - https://musingslif.blogspot.com/, which is forever frozen in time in the web now. It must be hard for him to type the blog letter by letter.)

But now, unlike my past self, I don't feel low self-esteem anymore even though I can't blend in. I just let the conversation flow around me, with my small, dense bubble intact. Even if there are only few people whom I can talk with without that bubble, and even if the number is only increasing very slowly (if even at all), I'm very contented now. This reminds me to ask my friends out more for gathering and hiking, to keep the bond. Or maybe I'm just not in the correct circle, if I change job to pursue my passion, perhaps I'll meet more people in the same frequency? But the people in current organisation is also good, at least many of them are kind and have humanitarian heart, although I feel that the higher position ones are kind of disconnected from field humanitarian work.

Having new connections with younger people also makes me feel younger. When interacting with the 2000s Gen Z during Redang trip, I can feel their energy of not being afraid to be themselves. Their unapologetic manner of being kind to themselves (still being kind to others) inspire me. E.g., one person can openly say that her social battery is low and she needs to be by herself to recharge. Interacting with people from different generations can bring new perspectives.

Well, when can I have a special meaningful connection with a guy if I don't go out of my comfort zone and broaden my social circle? 🙃

1st Retreat - Sea Turtle Conservation (5 - 12 Oct 2024)

I have been eyeing to join the sea turtle conservation program in east coast of West Malaysia for many years. After researching a few programs, I finally decided to join SEATRU program (Sea Turtle Research Unit) of UMT, and I'm really glad I chose this, otherwise I won't meet all these amazing people! And the staffs are really knowledgeable (not sure about other programs). I think I registered around May'24. I selected the very last session before they close the islands for monsoon season, because of new ERP system in my workplace, and I was hoping that the system will stabilise by then. As it was towards the end of the nesting season, I was hoping to still be able to see some turtles.

I took leave on Friday (4th Oct) and flew to Kuala Terengganu (Sultan Mahmud Airport), reaching around 11am. 

The airport building is simple yet has Malay architectural style, looks like Istana Melayu.

Instead of taking a 10-minutes taxi to the hotel, I walked instead, and it took an hour plus. It was good exercise. I was sweating while walking alongside the beach, observing the weekend activities of the local people (selling food, picnic with family), extending my sight to the far horizon after so long time of only facing screens, imagining my colleagues working while I'm as free as a bird, feeling the sea breeze~ 😄(although it was quite hot 😅).

Saw this flower while walking. First time seeing this kind. Giant Calotrope (calotropis gigantea).

I reached my hotel early (check-in time is 3pm), but fortunately after a short wait, the receptionist allowed me to check in earlier. It was a simple room with single bed, and very thin wall. (I can hear the next door's guest snoring at night. 😂 Luckily I can fall asleep easily.) 

Outside of the hotel. It has restaurants and its own mini-mart.

Nearby beach. Sunset, picnic, fishing, rocky beach.

Enjoyed ikan bakar for dinner.

The next day, again I walked to UMT instead of taking taxi. It took about 45 mins.

I was the first to arrive (around 8.00am?). There were many students at that time, and I was the only one with huge backpack and sleeping bag. Everyone was staring at me. After that, they entered the hall and I was alone.
I was worried that I waited at the wrong place, so I sent a message into the Telegram group of SEATRU, and was reassured by Daus (whom I came to know later as one of the Rangers) that other volunteers and the van will arrive by 9.30am. 
We had some preliminary introduction while waiting. 3 of the girls in the pic (Erine, Xandra, and Sheron) are certified divers!

We put our bags onto a pickup truck driven by Daus, together with the food supplies for our next 8 days. Then all of us (13 pax) got into a van towards the jetty. It took about 45 mins.

Cats at the jetty.

Boat journey to Chagar Hutang. Our 8 days without connection began here. 

It was a nice trip, quite long (around 45 mins?). I was wishing that it never ends. 😆 

But we must arrive in the end, for the next wonderful 8 days to unfold.
We formed a human chain to pass our bags and our food supplies (rice, eggs, oil, veggies, chickens, bread, sugar, condensed milk, etc).

Dining area, common area, kitchen, and sleeping area during night patrol duty.😂
The smaller table at the inner-left is only for rangers and interns; volunteers are not allowed.

I slept on the first bed just in front of the door, upper-bunk. I like it as it's cool.

Washrooms which we have to use the squeegee to sweep out the water.
We can use the life jackets and snorkeling masks anytime until 3pm.
(After that time, mother turtles that are planning to lay eggs that night might be surveying around the sea area, so we don't want to scare them away.)

No snakes PLEASE! Excellent warning! 😂

We started with briefing by Anwar & Mirul. Then we cooked our lunch (spaghetti bolognese). Then in the afternoon, Anwar briefed us how to do nest check, as we will need to do it starting the next morning.

This is the board from previous group. "Volunteer's activities" start around 5pm every day.

This is the results of our slot. (20 landings, 10 nested) 
Total 939 nests this year (up to our slot ZB). Last year was 2000+, but this is expected, as turtles usually have 1-2 years gap between nesting years (depends on species, I believe this is only in Chagar Hutang's case). Next year should be busy, should I join again? 😉
We're fortunate to have 1 hawksbill turtle nested in our slot, and at the very last night too!

After 2-3 days, all of us started to get used to our daily routine and our roles. We were moving around and doing chores in a synchronised way, like a familiar household. Such as during meals, we could coordinate well in washing cutleries and distributing the rice. The guys would do the composting; Erine would wash dishes after meals (but we still helped); I would sweep and mop the floor from time to time (with help from Chee Hau and En Hui).

Below are our main activities throughout the 8 days and 7 nights.

1. Night patrol
As it was end of nesting season with less turtles, we only split to 2 groups instead of 3, and we didn't patrol until 6am. It depended on the instruction from the interns, if they predict that no more turtle will come, we could turn in for the night (ranging from 3am-5am). Some mornings when I checked the beach for turtle tracks, it seemed that the interns' prediction was right.

• We learned how to recognise turtle tracks (difference of it going up/down). We also drew a horizontal line across the track after we've checked it, so that we can recognise when there's a new track (I can imagine it should be quite confusing during the peak season).
• Two types of turtles lay eggs on Chagar Hutang's 350m beach - green sea turtles (endangered) and hawksbill sea turtles (critically endangered). Green turtle has its name from the green fat found beneath its carapace (its shell), due to its diet strictly being seagrass, not from the colour of its carapace. Hawksbill is rarer in Chagar Hutang, its name comes from the shape of its beak. Compare to hawksbill, green turtles are bigger and are more used to having humans around. When the turtles are laying eggs, we are careful only to shine lights from their shell till their tail but not at their head, to prevent them from getting shocked and abandon laying. But after laying, we can usually shine at their face and even touch them to measure their carapace or check if there's any tagging at their front fippers. Green turtles are more relaxed when we're measuring their shells, and they move slowly back to the sea after laying. Hawksbill was trying to "run" to the sea when we wanted to measure its carapace and we had to use our strength to stop it from moving. 😅
• Red light is used during night patrol. Although it also has some impact of light pollution to the turtles (https://seaturtlespacecoast.org/sea-turtles-and-the-red-light-myth/), but it's better than white light. And the interns taught us how to shine it so that we won't disturb the turtles.
• Sometimes a turtle will land but leave without nesting, maybe due to disturbance or feeling discomfort. But usually the next day or later that same night, it will come again. When a hawksbill landed, we were so excited but we didn't dare to go close to see, worried of scaring it away. Only few volunteers and the interns went near to check on the turtle. Then we just laid on the sand while waiting for it to start chambering. The first day it landed, it moved around for 3 hours, digging around, but in the end, it left. As per Anwar & Mirul's saying, we were scammed by the turtle. 😂 But the next day, it came and nested! It was raining that night. When the rain stopped and we went patrolling, we found that the turtle has already finished laying and was camouflaging. I think it was good that we missed to see it laying eggs, so it could lay without disturbance. 
  

  

  The Hawksbill form.

  
  
• There are specific steps that the turtles do when nesting. For green turtles, it starts with Body Pitting > Chambering > Laying > Cover chamber > Camouflaging. Whereas for hawksbill, it doesn't body pit, it just start with chambering directly, so the depth of its nest is shallower than green turtle's. We use our arm as a rough measure (top/middle/bottom) - bottom means around the depth of the whole arm; middle means depth until elbow. We also learned to recognise what steps the turtles are doing from their actions.
• I had this question which keep bugging my mind: how do turtles learn the steps to perform before laying eggs? Is it in their DNA, since they don't have nurturing period like mammals? Or, do first-time mothers get advice from other female turtles inside the sea?
  I asked Anwar & Mirul, but it seemed they misunderstood my question - they thought I was asking, how do we know if it's a first-time mother - and they replied, there's no difference, just that it might be more sensitive to noise/light. 
  When I tried to research further in internet, I can't find any articles that answer this question. I think this could be a good research question? Just to prove my theory. 😄 But I think it'll be hard to research, as the years starting from the babies crawling to the sea until they come back to nest are known as the "lost years".
  - Do sea turtles communicate among themselves?
  - https://conserveturtles.org/information-sea-turtles-general-behavior/
  - https://conserveturtles.org/information-sea-turtles-frequently-asked-questions/
• I was also curious why do sea turtles have shells that they cannot hide in, like tortoises. (https://www.turtleconservationsociety.org.my/why-do-turtles-have-shells/)
  
  
• Step 1: Body pitting - create a big crater for its body by using it's fippers and rotating it's Sometimes it will keep changing spots after body pitting, until it finds a suitable spot.
  This video is Step 2: Chambering - using its back fippers so adeptly to scoop up the sand and make a really deep chamber for its eggs. They look so skilled and makes me wonder, from where do they learn this from?
  
  Step 3: Laying eggs - https://youtu.be/6nfmfTJc3uM (had to upload via YouTube as it's an unsupported format by my computer. Thanks to a friend who recorded this). At this stage, if the location is good, we will quickly put a long string tied to a coral into the nest, then tie the string to a wooden stick to mark the location, this is called in-situ nest.
  If the location is not good (e.g. if it's a favourite spot of nesting and other mother turtles might ruin the eggs / it's in lower ground and might get drown when monsoon comes), then we need to quickly "steal" the eggs while the mother is laying it. In some cases when it's hard to steal, then we mark with the coral string & wooden stick, and we'll dig the eggs out in the morning to relocate them.
  "Stealing" eggs require some techniques. One of the back fippers' side will have an opening, and we must go from there. We mustn't touch the turtle and must be careful not to accidentally push sand into the hole. Some people can hold many eggs at once, but I only dare to take two at a time.
  

  

  Green turtle eggs which we relocated in the morning. Most of the time, we will relocate immediately at night, after "stealing" the eggs from the mother.
  The egg shells are soft and flexible. Hawksbill's eggs are smaller. 

  
  

  Step 4: Covers chamber - using its back fippers to cover the chamber. The staff said that at this stage, usually the turtle will be in trance mode after it has laid eggs, due to hormone. So it's fine now for us to touch it, measure its carapace, and check for its tags at the armpits of its front fippers. (For hawksbill, it might have different behaviour. With the only one that we encounter, it tried to run away when we wanted to measure its carapace after it has covered its chamber.)

  
  

  Step 5: Camouflaging - the turtle will violently toss sand around and maybe try to create another pit nearby, to camouflage the exact location of its nest. At this stage, we will leave the turtle to its own business and continue our patrol. 
  
  

  Step 6: The turtle crawls back to the sea.
  
  
• The interns told us a story of another turtle crashing into a turtle which was laying eggs from behind. They couldn't stop the turtles from crashing, so they had no choice but only to watch. The turtle that was in the midst of laying was startled and rushed back into the sea while laying its eggs along the way.
• This is a very meticulous way of relocating the nest (https://turtlesandtides.wordpress.com/2014/09/08/moving-a-turtle-nest/) - by building a chamber that mirrors the original one.
  I found a research in Chagar Hutang itself (https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1319562X21003892) - surprisingly I can totally relate to everything the article says! Truly, real experience is the most valuable! The digging of the relocated nest is done by the ranger/intern. I guess they're trained on the dimension of the chamber, and it does look similar to the one in this article. In the article, it says in 2017, 36% of the nests were relocated. But this year, based on the board, it seems around 70% are relocated. Perhaps they've tested that the man-made nest is working well. My group had excavated an in-situ nest which is under vegetation, most of the eggs are bad... Hopefully we're on the right track of conservation.
• We don't need to keep patrolling the beach. If there is no turtle, we patrol in the next hour. If there is turtle, we take note of the stage it's in and come back sooner. E.g. if it's body pitting, we'll check back after 30 mins. If it's chambering, then we'll stay by its side.
  
  

  

  During patrolling gap, we usually chit chat or rest on tikar on the beach. If it's raining, we waited indoor until the rain stopped. Sometimes the rain poured heavily without much warning. The interns can recognise when rain is falling soon from the slight temperature change of the wind, and we'd quickly bring everything indoor.
  We also played UK & US version of "Never have I ever" and Malaysia's version of the opposite. There's also many hilarious moment, like Chee Hau said "leg fingers" instead of toes, and even I was stunned, trying to figure out the right word, until Vicki from US corrected us. 😂

  
  

  

  
  

  

  Sometimes we slept on the beach until the next morning. It's not very comfortable due to uneven surface of the sand, but it's a blissful way to wake up, seeing the sea first thing in the morning.

  
  
  

2. Nest check in the morning

In the morning, Mirul/Anwar will pass to us the forms of nests which are Day 45 or above. And we check the nests on a 3-day interval.

On Day 45: we only look for the location of the nests - which are marked with the wooden pole with the nest number. The whole 350m beach is divided into 35 sectors for easier pinpoint of the nests. Usually the turtles are not hatched/not ready yet, we don't need to do anything.

On Day 48: We dig the nest following the coral string. Sometimes we found baby turtles, and we need to check it's belly button, if it's still bulging and the egg yolk is still big, then we put them back into the nest and cover it up. Nests which are under shade will take longer to hatch. 
If the babies are ready, we bring them out and store them in the "turtle coop", then we'll release them at night, when there are less predators. We release them in different trays and with distance in between, to increase their survival rate. (One batch might be a decoy to lure predators - the sharks. 😢)

Baby turtles coming out of the nest. This is the most wonderful and moving part of the job!

They're so active!! Them being able to flip over when they are upside down is a fitness test for them.
Sometimes we found deformed babies. This is due to too many (above 100), and the bottom turtles might get deformed... 

Flat yolk - the turtle is ready.

They also found an albino turtle just recently before we arrived! They will keep it for around 3 years and then release it. As it's white, it'll be easily seen by predators and will be eaten. Thus, hoping that if we release it when it's bigger, it'll have higher chance of survival.
It eats seaweed and jellyfish.

On Day 51 and 54: Again, we dig and check the nest. If we find that most of the babies are ready and active, we bring them out. Then we excavate the nest. Excavation is the most dreaded part of the job (but somehow on the 8th day, we kinda miss this and are willing to take on extra forms from the staff 😄). We have to face flies, sandflies, ants, crabs, maggots, and bad smell during excavation. We also learned to identify the reason of the rotten eggs - pipped, fungi, maggot, crab. Sometimes we found empty egg shells but no turtles. It means that the baby turtles have crawled out by themselves.

We have to count the rotten eggs and all the empty egg shells, to ensure that we excavate everything and not leave any in the hole. This is to ensure future eggs will not be contaminated. 
The rotten eggs and egg shells are dumped in the Eggshell Station, which are happily devoured by monkeys, monitor lizards, and hermit crabs.

Sorting and counting the eggs. The top part are rotten eggs due to fungi. Bottom part are empty egg shells. By excavating and counting, we can also know the hatched rate.

This is called "pipped", which means the baby died in the egg. This type is the smelliest.

Maggots and me excavating.

Dead sea turtle, attracting flies. It's really smelly.

3. Leisure activities 
After nest check and before lunch, we went snorkeling, swimming, or kayak. We could also do these up until 3pm, but we usually stopped by lunch time, as it's too hot after that.
On 6th Oct, I cut my feet from snorkeling - kicked a coral as I was not wearing glasses in the sea. Luckily Vicki helped to give me first aid (she's an obstetrician!). Time passed so slow while I was limping around. Now that I check the dates, on that evening itself, I was already hiking to Prawn Spa, and the next day to Turtle's Rock. I'm amazed by how fast the wound healed, though it's quite deep!

This is on 12th Oct, 6 days after the incident.

Many people got cut in they feet too. Plasters are definitely a must-bring item, and wearing shoes when patrolling at night is also needed. The interns were going around without shoes, even when hiking, and we were trying to follow them. But the beach is full of dead corals and some are sharp. Patrolling the 350m beach was slowly turning into a hell's torture in every step. 😂

I started water activity again on the 5th or 6th day. First time kayak by myself for such a long time. It's very nice. The others were snorkeling nearby, and I became their "taxi" to bring them back to the shore. These are some nice pics taken by other friends. ("Wash" your eyes with these beautiful pics after looking at my "disgusting" injury 😆)

Nemo (ocellaris clownfish): https://youtu.be/2UC-JH7PM00

4. Afternoon pastimes

• Play games (spy game, killer game). I don't really like killer game but spy game is ok.
• Brought a Japanese book there, thought I could study a bit before my Japanese exam in Dec, but I only read few pages, then slept at the pondok/hammock. I also read an e-book from my phone titled "Bullshit Jobs: A theory". This is more interesting 😅 and I managed to read more pages. 
  
  
  

  

  This is my most favourite spot to sleep in the afternoon. It's comfortable and cool. I can sleep for few hours soundly.

  
  
• Listen to ghost stories from the ranger and interns. The previous batch before us was too noisy and Abang Man was not really happy with them. Abang Man (ranger) and Anwar (intern) saw a Yeti ghost peering from behind a tree just in front of the kitchen. Daus (ranger) wanted to see it and Abang Man told him, "close your eyes and see with your heart." He went to the kitchen and do so, but he said he only see pitch black. 😂 So funny!
  Anwar said one male volunteer saw a white lady ghost at the sea while patrolling the beach alone at night, and he quietly turned around and quickly walked back. Vicki said her grandmother, who is from Terengganu, told her the story of a white lady ghost too, who is rumoured to have lost her baby and will try to take your baby if you're pregnant.
• Afternoon time is the best time to sweep and mop the floor, as the floor is dry and there's less activity which can cause wet floor, like cooking.
• One of the volunteers (Kar Leng) has a book which she started when she was on working holiday program in New Zealand. The question in the book is, what advice would you give to your younger self? This book kept us busy - we can read other people's writings and also think about what we should write. Many people even decorated their entries with drawings & designs! 

Drawings by Sheron.

• Anwar asked whether we will come again. Someone wrote in Kar Leng's book that she will not, because she wanted this to be the unique memory. If she comes again, there's bound to be comparison. The higher the expectation, the more the disappointment.
  But for me, I would love to go again. I won't compare the company much (as I was mostly quiet and just observing). I would love to contribute my labour towards helping the program.

5. Volunteers activities at 5pm

• Prawn spa. I hiked there with my injured foot. I scrunched up a plastic bag to act as a shock absorber. Later on when hiking to Turtle's Rock, I learned that by folding the plastic bag nicely, it's even more comfortable.
  
  
  
  
  
  Prawn spa is slightly more painful than fish spa. Luckily I was slightly downstream compare to the others (due to my leg injury), and the prawns are smaller. 
  
  
  
  
• Hiking to Turtle's Rock. It's a 30-minutes hike, but we spent some time at the 3 view points.
  

  

  Start of the hike.

  
  

  

  First view point.
  
  

  I was totally mesmerised by the waves hitting the rocks.
  
  

  2nd view point. It's called Turtle's Rock because of this rock shape.
  
  

  Another view of the Turtle's Rock. Mirul said that during the mating season, we can see turtles mating at the sea surface. Someone asked why they mate at the sea surface, not in the sea. Mirul said they will be out of breath and need to take in oxygen. 😆
  Turtles can take in oxygen and stay in the sea for many hours! They can even lower their heart beat to reduce oxygen consumption. (Learned from a magazine on the dining table, which is also one of my pastimes.)
  
  

  

  3rd view point.
  
  

  Few daredevils challenged this cliff. Mirul (intern who lead the hike) later went down at the right side and secretly climbed up to our side. After some photo shoots, they realised Mirul was gone and shouted for him. 😄 They had to slowly trace back the original route. Luckily everyone is safe. Anyway, we had signed indemnity form and all our actions were our own responsibility.
  
  

  

  This is the point of view from the daredevils side. I didn't know the place I was at was so tall! I wonder from where did Mirul climb up to reach our side...
  
  

  Mirul at the bottom.
  
  

  
  

  I can sit there whole day just watching the waves. It's calming to see the waves crashing on the rocks, and water flowing down from the cracks like a mini waterfall. 
  Meanwhile, as I feel the violence of the waves, there is also respect for nature because our lives are so fragile in front of mother nature.
  

  
  

  

  End of the hike.

  
  
• Gotong-royong - cleaning the coop, tying coral strings, erasing the marker pen ink on the wooden stick with thinner. I was involved in cleaning the coop. There are so many huge red ants... Hope they won't harm the baby turtles.
• Beach clean-up - this was more needed during early of the year, when the monsoon season just ended. Volunteers need to ensure a clean beach for the turtles to come and lay eggs. 

The Amazing Company throughout the 8D7N!
Shrinking this section to make the post shorter, as it might only be interesting to me.

• Monkeys - they'll send the young ones to spy, then the older ones will come to snatch the food when we are not watching. They stole Pringles, bread, and even flour, sugar (in plastic container), and someone's glucose medication. They've evolved to know how to open cupboards (we have to use masking tapes on the cupboards) and open up bamboo dish covers which are quite heavy (we have to keep food in cupboard).
  The flour and sugar were such a waste. We barely used them and they were our last packet too. On the morning of the 8th day, we could only have one piece of pancake each to sustain us until lunch time when we reach the city. Luckily I still have some biscuits to share.
  It was really funny to see few of them negotiating with a monkey that looked old and wise, assuming it's the head of the family. Sheron was asking it to return the sugar and we'd exchange with other food. The monkey was just sitting nonchalantly at a low branch, looking at us, as if saying, "it's not me who took your sugar, maybe another monkey". (We have nothing else as entertainment. 🤷)
  
  
• Hermit crabs - early morning before it gets hot, they will move from the beach into the jungle, and at night, they'll come out and move towards the beach.

There are many in the dining area at night.

Smallest hermit crab found by Anwar.

• Gecko - making some natural music from time to time.
• Frog - in the toilet. It jumped on my leg several times, luckily I was wearing long pants. After few days, I managed to bring it out when it jumped on the squeegee.
  
  
  
  
  
• Abang Man (ranger) - a Pulau Redang local who has been working for sea turtles conservation for over 20 years. He can be fierce, but also likes to share knowledge if you ask him any question. Thanks to him, we have delicious dinners. It's not their duty to cook for us, but still they're willing to, which is very much appreciated. They cook better than the mamak (our first lunch after coming out from the island), we miss their cooking so much.
  

  

  
  
• Daus (ranger) - he was with us for only few days in the middle. He also cooks very well! He's an introvert but approachable and cool, many people like him.
  

  

  Abang Man's pose.

  
  

  

  Last day of Daus with us.

  
  
• Pok Iman (ranger) - cousin of Abang Man, but he was not there during our slot.
• Mirul (undergraduate/intern) - senior of Anwar. His grandparent is Chinese. Had 'scandal' with two of the volunteers (Venny and Erine), and everyone was making fun of them. 😆 He brought us for the hikes to Prawn Spa and Turtle Rock. He and Anwar make good drinks every dinner (sirap bandung, green tea, etc). They even reduce the sugar as they know Malay and Chinese have different sweet tolerance level.
  

  

  Photo from Mirul's instagram (cropping off his face as I didn't get his permission). 
  939 nests until slot ZB. Slot ZC has two more, this is the staff slot who came to help with season closing before monsoon.

  
  
• Anwar (undergraduate/intern) - He gave briefing  on the first day. Very friendly, from KL, good looking with bright eyes. He's very supportive, trying to remember everyone's name. He had competition with his coursemate to memorise the scientific names of sea animals, they can name around 200 species!
  

  

  Hawksbill vs green baby turtle. We didn't get to see any hawksbill turtle hatching.
  (Photo from Anwar's Instagram)

  
  
• Jun and Venny - sisters. They left on the 4th/5th day due to allergy. They initially tricked us by swapping their identity (older/younger) during the self-introduction. They're very good in playing killer game.
• Alice - a Malay girl doing PhD in UMT. She left together with Jun and Venny. She was there to observe the activities, so that she can help to develop an app, which is her project. She was also fully involved in the activities!
  

  

  Group photo before Venny, Jun, and Alice left. We wore the volunteer shirt. 

  
  
• Vicki - an obstetrician from US. Her grandmother was born in Terengganu. Her grandmother passed away, and because she heard stories about leatherback sea turtles from her grandmother, she joined this program, I believe to find connection with her grandmother... It must have been a unique feeling for her, to move from delivering human babies to delivering baby turtles.  
• Miles - from UK, travelling around the world and would like to join the government in environmental work after his travel. He likes sunbathing, and cannot do a squat, which is crucial especially for using the toilet there.
  

  

  
  
• Chee Hau - Miles described him as sassy, but we didn't know the chinese translation, and someone simply said "神经病", which means mental, and everyone laughed. Miles sensed something is wrong and said, "whatever they said, it's definitely not what the word means." 😂
  

  

  The two guys doing composting.

  
  
• Sheron, Xandra, Erine - 3 of them have diving licenses! Sheron has lots of experience overseas due to her studies in hospitality. Her first solo trip is in Budapest, and we talked for a while about our experiences there. I think Erine is the youngest in our group, 19 years old. She is truly fearless, taking the lead to climb onto the cliff at Turtle's Rock, and she walked like normal while the others were crawling.
• En Hui, Amber - both are friends from the same secondary school. Amber volunteered to switch to my group after Venny and Jun left. (My group has me, Miles, Vicki, Amber, Erine.)
• Kar Leng - about my age. She worked in Logistics line and was just back from New Zealand working holiday.

Dab Dab pose.

Meet Dab Dab, our mascot.

Drawn by Sheron.

Time-lapse of stars (by Sheron).

Nice seashells/corals picked by me, but I didn't bring back.

Rangers and interns quarters are this side. 

Starting from the shoe rack area, no shoes are allowed to reduce sand indoor.

A poster at the Outdoor Classroom. The wooden sticks in the poster are the markings of turtles' nests. A coral string is tied from the stick and lead into the base of the nest.
(It gave me the feeling of cemetery, but I try to think positive, hoping for the best for the turtles. 😅)

Leatherback turtle which was once an icon of Terengganu (many leatherbacks laid eggs on Terengganu beach), has now become functionally extinct in Malaysia (meaning that it's extinct in Malaysia but still exists in other countries). People were taking their eggs for consumption, and with turtles' low survival rate of 1/1000, this species finally becomes extinct in Malaysia.

Bidding farewell.

What I learned after this trip: 💓💓

• This is a much-needed trip after non-stop working even on weekends. Luckily I chose somewhere without any connection with outside world, otherwise I won't be able to fully rest. I think I'll make this my yearly activity, to go to at least one retreat per year, maybe to other conservation/volunteer/monastery program. 
• After such a long time of only looking at screens, my eyes took some time to adjust to looking far, and also looking hard at night to scan for turtles. 😄 After coming back to work, my eyes feel strained again, but too bad, this is part of my job. This is certainly a workplace injury which sadly we're not protected from. Unless I change my job... Farming or forest conservation work will be nice, I can look at the greens all the time.